Liverpool's non-spectacular dutch forward and part-time right winger has told Sports In Shorts that despite rumours to the contrary he is definitely NOT the real Superman!.
Kuyt (pictured above on one of his missions) was forced to make the admission after he was asked to do life saving acts which he could not carry out.
He had been impersonating the popular superhero since watching the original 1978 film when it was on ITV2 last Summer, he said 'I saw the film and loved it big-time, then I saw a costume for sale online, it was only meant to be so I could impress Mrs Kuyt but as I was trying it on, my neighbour Mrs Batley came frantically knocking on my door, well....I didn't have time to get the suit off so I had to answer the door wearing it!. When I opened the door she said 'thank god its you', then went on to tell me how she wanted me to rescue her cat who had got itself stuck up her tree!'.
Word soon spread round the neighbourhood that Superman had been spotted rescuing a cat from a tree and before long Kuyt was being inundated with menial tasks for elderly neighbours who all thought they had a superhero living on their doorstep. He then explained why he went along with the double life 'I went along with it cos I liked the attention to be honest, I don't get much at Anfield, its all Stevie this and Fernando that, at last people wanted a piece of the Dirkmeister!'.
Then the call came in from Mrs Kuyt (who was playing a sort of Lois Lane role) to say that someone needed rescuing who was tied to a rail track in the path of an oncoming train and they wanted Superman to stop the train!. He said 'I had to come clean and reveal that the only way I could perform this heroic act would be to call the train company and get them to radio the driver direct!. Luckily I managed to call the them in time and it did stop, so I'm kinda a hero but I really should point out I'm not the real Superman!'.
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