The Football League has today announced its participation in a national campaign initiated by the charity ‘Help the Concerned Aged UK’ to raise awareness of the plight of the elderly and infirm at Christmas. For its part the Football League has agreed to generate publicity by taking inspiration from Accrington Stanley and similarly renaming each of its founder members with the name of a lovely old person for the duration of the festive period.
The revised club names released at today’s press conference include Aston Priscilla, Tony Blackburn, Preston North Enid, Stoke Kitty, West Bromwich Albert, Wolverhampton Wanda, Derby Courtney, and in honour of the 90 years-old crooner, Michael Bolton. Despite the renaming exercise being for charity disgruntled fans of Everton and Burnley have already congregated outside Goodison Park and Turf Moor to protest against their respective new uninspiring monikers of ‘Evelyn’ and ‘Bernie’.
Fans across the country will be asked to take part in a premium rate telephone poll to find their all-time greatest player for each founder member. At the today’s launch Premiership midfield veteran Ryan Giggs said…’as well as raising lots of money for British Telecom…sorry, I mean good causes, this is the kind of thing which gets the ordinary fan really talking about the game. Just hearing the names of Stanley Matthews, Billy Wright and Tom Finney takes me back to the days when Bobby Charlton and I first played against these greats as apprentices for Newton Heath in the 1950’s. The most popular former player selected for each club will receive a tasty winter food hamper – actually a shoe-box, brightly decorated by local school children and containing assorted dented tins of fruit and vegetables that are past their sell by date.
A spokesperson for the oldest Football League Club in the World, Notts Methusalah, who were formed in 1862 BC (that's before Clough in Nottingham), said that they were also delighted to be involved. ‘We are acutely aware that not all elderly people look forward to Christmas, particularly if they are alone, frail or vulnerable. That’s why we gave Sven a job! We warmly encourage our fans to think of an elderly neighbour at this special time of the year...and fleece them for a few quid to spend in the club shop. Lord knows we could do with the extra money to help pay this year's Christmas bonus because the electronic bank transfers from our owners in Dubai keep mysteriously going astray...they say it's a problem at our end!'
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