Trappaphoney!

More controversy hit Irish football today after it was discovered that Giovanni Trappatoni should never have been given the job in the first place as he has been reported lost from his homeland. Trappatoni's daughter speaking from Turin said 'Dad's always escaping from the old peoples home we put him in, he got out last year after supper on 14th February 2008 and we've been looking for him ever since! It looks as though he escaped from the home on 14th February 2008, somehow made his way to Ireland, and was made their official team manager the next day'. She also described that it had happened before 'he did the same the year before last, he got out, went to Austria and took over at Red Bull Salzburg.....i do hope he hasn't been any bother? bless him, he still thinks he's a football manager!?!, come on dad lets get you home'..... The Irish FA are already compiling a list of possible replacements with the early favorite being the Wolves ex Republic manager and most Yorkshire sounding person ever Mick McCarthy.

Football Gets Reset

Following FIFA's controversial decision to replay the France verses Ireland World Cup Play Off 2nd Leg match because of Thierry Henry's handball assist in the making of the goal that took them through to South Africa, it has been announced that all cases of cheating in the entire history of the game will also result in a replay having to be played. There are fears that in practice this will mean every single game ever played will have to be played again because among FIFA's list of 'Cheats' is 'appealing for a throw in when you know it hit you last'. If this goes ahead, every single match ever played and every trophy or winners medal ever won will be deemed void resulting in no-one ever having won anything and all players being branded as cheats. Famous World Cup winning cheat Geoff Hurst who cheated West Germany out of a possible World Cup win in 1966 said this to the news 'cheating was part and parcel of the game back then, and does it really count if you're cheating Jonny Foreigner?'

You've got to Hatton it to him

Britain's favorite boxer and winner of Manchester's worst dressed man for 2008 & 2009 has announced plans to fight on despite humiliating defeats against Floyd Mayweather Jnr and more recently Manny Pacquiao. It is thought that Hatton's next opponent could be Mexico's Juan Miguel Marquez next May at the McVities Stadium in Manchester. In an exclusive interview with 'bon appetite' magazine the tubby manc said this: 'i wanted to box on and give as many boxers out there the chance to improve their records by beating me!' he went on to say specifically who he intended to lose to: 'lots of journeyman like me have been in touch but the ones i think i could really help out are Juan Marquez, Amir Khan & Junior Witter!'.