Bellamy picks fight with Bellamy!

Manchester City bully Craig Bellamy [pictured above chatting to a fan] last night got into a 'war of words' with his great rival and nemesis Craig Bellamy.

The Welsh striker was talking to Sky Sports reporter Andy Burton after Wednesday nights Premier League '4th place showdown' loss to Tottenham Hotspur when he launched an astonishing attack on himself.

''I thought that most of us played really well, but sadly there were a couple of our own players who were shocking tonight Andy.....pardon my Welsh but there were!. The number 39 especially....Bellamy, everyone in the game knows what he's like...so I don't need to say anything, except I'm not shocked by how bad he was tonight even though I said I was shocked earlier....I'm not. As I say, everyone in football knows what Bellamy is like so that's all I'm gonna say.''

Burton then confronted Bellamy about his outburst. ''But Craig,...... you're Bellamy!!, are you saying you had a bad game?.''

''Yes I am, I'm fed up with tip toeing round myself, not telling myself if I'm playing badly. But today I was bad, I'm sorry, I know you shouldn't bad mouth teammates, but I was terrible. everyone in the game knows what I'm like so lets leave it at that.''

In other Manchester City news, 'boss' Roberto Mancini has clung on to a leadership coup fronted by 'panto villain' Garry Cook. Cook the clubs answer to a Chief Executive had been canvassing in the local area and believed he had the 'popular vote' amongst City fans to attempt to topple the current management team. But after he tried storming the residential palace of Mancini late last night, he admitted defeat after a 'mix up with his sat nav' had taken him to the home of elderly bigot Gillian Duffy, who told him exactly what she thought of the clubs middle eastern recruitment policy.

Attendances fall following popularity of 3D football!

Premier league attendances have dramatically fallen in the last month following the rise in the number of 3D televised matches.

Sky Sports now show at least one game a week in the new '3D' format which means that fans of the chosen clubs no longer need to venture to the actual ground. Instead they can venture to one of the chosen pubs hosting the broadcast, wearing the specially designed glasses.

Back in the 1980's when the first wave of 3D films were released, the glasses were the 'weak link' in the technology with the cardboard frames and red/green plastic lenses often having only a shelf live of 10 minutes before the wearer would become increasingly frustrated with them falling off and generally being shit and would put them in a draw at their mums house only to be found 13 years later!.

Nowadays though, the 'modern 3D glasses' are so camouflaged you would hardly notice somebody wearing them [pictured above]. If you concentrate on the image above, after a while you may realise that the people pictured are actually wearing 3D glasses!.

Inventor of the new glasses Prof Graeme Souness said this. ''We wanted to make something that wouldn't make people stand out and look silly when they were watching football in 3D. That was the problem years ago, but I think you'll agree that you could pretty much wear these things all day and no one would even notice!?!.''

Manchester City fan Dick Moore spoke to Sports In Shorts after his teams 3D experience against Tottenham Hotspur last night.

''It's the future int it!, 3D's great. It's like I was actually at the match but in a pub at the match. I used to go down to Middle-Eastlands but theres no need to risk it anymore!. 3D's like being at the match but on the telly, and everythings better on telly!. I just can't wait to see what they do next....I mean, do you think they will ever have the technology to actually be at the game but to be able to watch it live in 3D?. That'd be something wouldn't it!?!.....it'd be like real 3D.....there probly would'nt be any need to put it on telly........ I wonder if we'd still need glasses?.''

Gerrard makes impressive debut for new club!

Ex Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard [pictured above chasing a fleeing DJ] made an impressive debut for his new club Chelsea's win against Liverpool, the club that sold him just hours earlier!.

Details of the move have yet to be realeased but it is thought that the Londoners paid at least £30 million for the midfielder. They also agreed that he would be allowed to wear his beloved Liverpool kit for the game in order to say goodbye to his faithful fans.

Liverpool were put in a situation where a win or a draw would have put a record winning 19th league title on the cards for great rivals Manchester United, a situation where many 'fans' admitted that they would prefer the scousers to 'roll over' and let Chelsea win.

After the game, Sky's Geoff Shreeves questioned manager Rafa Benitez about if he told his team to 'take it easy' for the game.

''What do I care!?!, I'm off to Turin soon innit!''

New signing Gerrard put a precise through ball to Didier Drogba midway through the first half who rounded the keeper Reina and tapped the ball into the net. Frank Lampard slid in a second in the second half to take the win and probably the title back to Stamford Bridge.