Sunday, 23 May 2010

Blackpool go into administration within minutes of being in Premier League


Premier League newcomers Blackpool went into administration within 10 minutes of being promoted after winning their Play Off final against Cardiff City at Wembley on Saturday.

The Lancashire outfit announced that due to 'overspending' by the current regime in their brief spell in the top league the club could not maintain the 'huge' wage bill which had built up, cumulating in the decision made at 5.05pm Saturday evening.

Following the final whistle after the 3-2 win over the Welsh team, Ian Holloway by his own admission 'couldn't believe how much money he had to spend' and 'got carried away' by immediately putting a bid in for Barcelona's Lionel Messi. ''I was like a kid in a cheese shop'' the eccentric manager commented.

The Catalan giants were said to be keen on the offer, which was a reported £97 million plus Brett Ormorod, but the move was called off because Ormorod didn't want to move out of Lancashire to Spain, saying ''It's not everyday you get the chance to play for a top team in a top league......which is why I'm staying at Blackpool!.''

Holloway, speaking to Sports In Shorts said ''After the Messi move broke down I got real, and started to concentrate on transfer targets which were more likely to happen, which Is why I launched the highest spending spree in the clubs history, buying Premier League stalwarts Robert Earnshaw for £9 million, Jimmy Bullard for £6 million on £97k a week, and Robbie Keane for £14 million. But my biggest coup of all was the Free signing of Michael Owen from Man U, he's good int he?, well worth the £250k a week I agreed to pay him.''

This spell of reckless spending meant that by 5.04pm the club had overspent next years budget, and the next 4 years parachute payments already, leaving the Board of Directors no choice but to go into administration.

Cardiff City financial fuckwit Peter Ridsdale spoke to Sky Sports after the game, ''To be honest I'm gutted, I've been cooking up a ridiculously stupid piece of overspending the world has never seen before. Well, at least since my time at Leeds, I reckon I could have had Cardiff out of business a good 5 mins before they (Blackpool) were!.....amateurs.''

Holloway added ''To be fair, we've had a great run in the top league, it was good while it lasted, so if we get relegated before we've been promoted then so be it. At least we've got our health eh.''
He ended the interview with another pearl of wisdom. ''As Michael Barrymore once said, there is always someone worse off than yourself....and that person is Portsmouth....I've been Ian Holloway...goodnight''.

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