The 2010 Tour De France will not have any stages in France for only the 2nd time in its 678 year history, it was announced yesterday by race drug givers Astra Zeneca.
The bike race which started before pushbikes were even invented has been dogged with controversy for years with allegations of cheating and illegal drug use (2009 winner Pierre Curzon pictured above before race organizers uncovered his bike was actually a car in disguise!).
This year the tour will commence in New York on June 3rd where riders will do a few laps round central park, then every rider will be asked to remember which position they were in for when they start the penultimate stage in Moscow where they will do a road race round the insecure city before finishing outside the Kremlin. Then every rider will be ferried to the foot of Mount Kilimanjaro for a proper mountain climb up the man made hill where the race will end if anybody survives it.
American bike rider Lance Armstrong who has raced in more tours than anybody without having ever won it, said ' I hope the change in scenery gives me a bit of extra luck so i can maybe clock up my first win!', but race traditionalists are less happy, a french bike riding fan who cannot be named for pronunciation reasons said 'How can you have the Tour De France that isn't in France?? its crazy, its like having Deal or No Deal without Noel Edmunds!......or a Frenchman with no garlic round his neck!!'.
In addition to the change of venue it has also been declared than in an attempt to combat the unfairness of many riders gaining an advantage through the use of performance enhancing drugs, riders will be able to take 'pretty much anything they want', in fact rumours suggest that instead of drinks being available by the roadside there will be complimentary steroids.
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