Tevez v Neville battle of hand gestures rumbles on

The Carlos Tevez V Gary Neville war of words and hand gestures continued yesterday as both of the childish players refused to grow up in any way.

It all started when Wayne Rooney muttered the witticism ''Miss, you Greasy Argie'' just before Tevez smashed in the controversial penalty to draw Man City level at 1-1 against fierce rivals Man Utd in Tuesday's Milk Cup Semi-final first leg at Eastlands.

Tevez responded to this by doing an impression of the character Shrek from the film Shrek starring Shrek, directed at Rooney.

Eager to get in on any aggravation going, Gary Neville soon piped up and started shouting comments from the touchline....albeit despite him not even being named on the subs bench for the game!.

Neville's wife Nelly explained ''Gary was watching the game at home with me and as soon as he noticed it was about to kick off with a good argument I couldn't contain him!, he just had to get involved....bless him!.....that's why I love him I guess!?''.

When he arrived, Neville started hurling insults directed at Tevez, criticising the surgeon who performed the botched operation on his neck wound, to which Tevez retaliated with disparaging remarks about Neville's poorly grown moustache!, one fan heard him say this in his Spanish accent, ''Look guys, theres an Ian Beale lookalike on the touchline and is name isa Gary Neville!''.

A visibly angry Neville took this remark to heart and couldn't think of a witty re post so simply stuck 2 fingers up at the gloating Argentinian ugly man, not realising that in Spanish this signal means ''Last night your mother told me you were adopted!!''. A shocked Tevez could be seen borrowing a mobile phone from a supporter in the crowd to phone his mum to see if this was true!.

Once she convinced him he was not adopted, he got back to the game and almost immediately scored with a headed goal to take City to a 2-1 victory, which once again caused him to celebrate but this time Neville bore the brunt of his mocking comedy, as he produced a comb from his back pocket and started to pretend to comb his top lip where a moustache might be!, whilst shouting ''Hey Gary why don't you grow a real moustache like your mum's got!''.

An upset Neville was then consoled by his Dad who had also been watching the game at home and had felt the need to get involved. Mr Neville (Neville) said ''If you pick on my boy Gary Neville, you pick on me,....Neville Neville''.

''I've never been hungrier'' admits Hatton!

Popular tubby one time decent boxer Ricky Hatton (pictured above before he got fat) has been forced to clarify comments he made in a statement last week.

He was speaking at a press conference held for him to announce his plans for his next humiliating defeat (a story broken by Sports In Shorts in November 2009), this summer to Mexican pensioner Juan Marquez.

The part of the statement which caused confusion was when he mentioned that ''I've never been hungrier!'', many reporters believed him to mean that he was hungry for success after the embarrassing loss to smiley faced Filipino drug user Manny Pacquiao, however Hatton speaking to Sports In Shorts has spoken of the real meaning of his comments.

''When I said I've never been hungrier, I didn't mean for success, I just meant I've never been hungrier!!.....I've not eaten for about 10 minutes or so!......I've got a real craving for sugary treats at the moment..........but I reckon I'm gonna move onto savory pastries soon for a bit of variety.......then I'll step up my calorie intake and move onto deep frying everything and within a few months I should be my ideal lounging weight!''

Hatton or 'Roly Poly Ricky' as his fans call him also mentioned the inspiration behind his odd dress sense. ''I tend to wear a black suit jacket with blue jeans at half mast, its a look I stole off that curly haired fella off Top Gear, and sometimes I like to wear a silly looking sun hat with my favorite tracksuit so I've got the look of a typical Manc chav....which I guess is what i am at heart!''.

Hattons new weight gain video 'Get fat with the chav in the hat' is out next Monday on video priced £8.99, or free if you buy 50 of Ricky's new 'Calorie Intense Deep Fried Pizzas'.

Pienaar admits love of Coq!

South African Floella Benjamin impersonator Steven Pienaar has spoken of his love of his clubs kit maker Le Coq (pronounced cock) Sportif.

The Everton midfield lightweight kissed the kit makers emblem after scoring a poorly hit free kick in Saturdays tussle with Manchester's 3rd best team Manchester City. At first tv viewers and fans just presumed he kissed the wrong side of his kit and thought he had really meant to kiss the Everton badge, but speaking to ESPN's blond woman after the victory, Pienaar spoke of the real reason for this show of affection.

He said ''I've always loved Le Coq, growing up as a young girl in South Africa we used to see the old First Division on TV and whereas most of my friends became fans of Liverpool or Manchester United, I just fell in love with Evertons kit, the way it makes it look as if you're wearing a white t-shirt underneath a blue top is breathtaking. It's not just the Everton kit I love, Le Coq also make the Italian Serie C kit for AFC Bergamo which is equally spellbinding. So when I score a goal I like to celebrate by kissing Le Coq..........it's just a way for me to show my appreciation to Le Coq for being great''.

Pienaar finished by adding ''I'd just like to say, if any viewers are watching who also like Le Coq, maybe we should hook up and celebrate being fans of Le Coq together???.......maybe have a Coq party??''