What really happened in the Woods (house)!?!

World Number 1 Golf ball hitter Tiger Woods was yesterday involved in a strange driving incident outside his Florida home. The golfer left his home at 2.25am yesterday and immediately drove into a fire hydrant and then crashed into a tree. He was taken to hospital where his condition was described as 'tipsy' however these allegations were later taken back when the police said alcohol was not involved. However sources that the sportsinshorts have spoken to claim to know the real reason behind the accident. A local resident of the area who wishes to remain silent told our reporter this 'this has been coming for a long time, the Wood's are a very competitive family, and Tiger just isn't as talented as his young kids so he gets very jealous! Once when i was at a family bbq, Tiger challenged his 5 year old son Tabby to a round of Golf on the X-box, Tabby made his dad look stupid and Tiger flew into a huge rage saying that computer games don't count and there are loads of stuff he could beat him at!'. The source then went on to describe what they had heard last night 'I heard Tiger having one of his tantrums which sounded like it was because he'd lost at Scrabble to his daughter Kitten, i heard him shout 'that's not even a proper sport, c'mon lets see if you can beat me at driving', his wife Panthera told him not to be so stupid but he just jumped in his Sports car and took off shouting 'see you at the finish line suckers!'. Unfortunately he careered into the hydrant at the bottom of his drive and into the tree, this let Kitten and Tabby overtake their dad and won the race even though they were on tricycles'.

Portsmouth Receive Grant

There were embarrassing scenes at Fratton Park yesterday after Portsmouth chiefs had to inform fans expecting ex Chelsea manager Avram Grant to be installed as their new manager, that there had been a 'mix-up' as it was actually Russell Grant (pictured above) they had appointed as the replacement for Paul Hart, who lost his job earlier in the week. Portsmouth chief executive Peter Storrie said this 'we apologise for any misunderstanding caused, when we said Grant was getting the job i guess....... understandably fans assumed it was going to be Avram taking over, but we meant Russell. It's another example showing that you should never assume.......'. Grant (Russell) takes over with immediate effect and will be in charge for the visit of Manchester United on Saturday, and next week he is expected to start bringing in his backroom team. A enthusiastic Grant said 'its wonderful, delightful, brilliant and super brilliant!!, I'm so happy, I've got to say, it said in the tarot cards i was going to get a big one......job i mean!. When asked who might be in his backroom team he said 'Biggins has said he wants to be physio, Mallet will be Assistant Manager and First Team Coach will hopefully be Paul O'Grady if we can convince him to leave Channel 4!'.

Basketball Grudge Match

Last night the biggest game in the British Basketball Calender took place at the Queens Park Leisure Centre in Chesterfield. The game which was the duel between the 2 fierce rivals the Derby Divas and the Sheffield Sheep (pictured above warming up) ended at 10-10 after the 4 action packed halves, so a sudden death 'shoot-ball' was played to decide the outcome. Derby's Andy Dick threw the winning hoop score after Sheffield's Theo 'Rich' Tee threw his shot hopelessly wide. A delighted Dick said 'It's great, it's the best day in our 5 week history for sure'. Dick (38) a part-time cleaner who also collected his MVP (Most Valuable Player) award for this seasons stellar performances went on to say 'this isn't just for us though, this is for the 7 fans who follow us wherever we travel whether its Mansfield, Stoke or Rotherham we know we'll always have them with us, and this is also for our sponsor Dave Rigby's Mobile Disco Services'. Basketball is currently going through a 'boom-time' in the UK with the total attendances of all this seasons fixtures already smashing the 150 mark, all that with still 3 rounds of competition left! and with the sport being voted the 112th most popular sport in Britain in a poll conducted by Slam Dunk magazine.

Henman speaks of drug past

Following the recent shocking revelations of Andre Agassi, when he told of his Crystal Meth addiction in the 1990's, another of tennis's wildmen has spoken of his shameful drug secrets in a desperate bid to make himself look more interesting. Tim Henman (pictured above) speaking on Saturdays Tennis AM programme told presenter Andrew Castle 'yeah, i caned the drugs pretty hard back in the 90's too! It was a crazy time what with Britpop, TFI Friday & Spicemania' When asked what he took he said 'my particular drug of choice was paracetamol which i used to take in doses of 2 tablets up to 4 times a day.......mainly when i had headaches......it was the only thing which took the pain away!' This news is sure to upset his loyal fans who still camp on Henman Hill at Wimbledon all year round hoping he may make a comeback, one fan Judith Keenan said this of Henman ' i don't care what he's done, i like a bad boy anyway!'......

Comedy comes back to Lancashire

Newcastle United's winger Jonas Gutierrez (pictured above) thrilled the crowd last night with a great comedy show he put on as his team visited Preston. Gutierrez, which literally translated into english means 'erratic poodle' spent 90 mins trawling up and down the left wing in his wayward running style, tripping over, losing the ball then pretending he didn't know where it was, even though it was right behind him which prompted some of the crowd to shout 'its behind you!'. Reg Simmons who was at the game said 'It wer great to gerra bit of cabaret back at Deepdale, y'know abit of slapstick comedy....we've not anything like that since Danny Dichio left!, he (Gutierrez) wer falling over, tripping up and all sorts, brilliant fun...can't wait to see him back here'.

Redknapp Drops Defoe!

Harry Redknapp has sensationally revealed in this mornings Daily Mirror that Jermain Defoe will be dropped from Tottenhams next 3 games despite having scored 5 goals in the 9-1 demolition of Wigan Athletic. Redknapp, speaking after he won 1st prize at the 'Manager who most resembles a hound dog' awards ceremony last night said this of Defoe, 'he let us all down on sunday, don't get me wrong it wasn't just him but he scored the goals so he gets most of the blame, the problem is that we are in severe danger of actually acheiving what we are capable of this season, and the fans will want us to win games like that all the time now! Everyone knows Spurs have a proud tradition of promising much but delivering little. I'm going to personally apologise to Daniel Levy in the morning, i just hope this won't cost me my job'.