Tiger's mum says her son should be allowed to put it where he wants!!!

Serial American sex pest Tiger Woods, appeared on Friday at an organized press conference to offer his stage managed apologies to his wife, kids, mum, extended family, friends, sponsors, fans & pets for the shame and embarrassment caused by the string of extra marital affairs he has engaged in around the world.

But it was his mum Caterina who made the most headlines when she stuck up for her sons behaviour!.

Before Mrs Woods took to the mic, Tiger went on to apologize for the earthquake in Haiti, for the lacklustre punditry by Alan Hansen on MOTD, for Hitler's bad mood with Jewish people, for Wayne Rooney's premature hair loss and England's inability to be any good at One Day International Cricket!.

Whilst Woods was speaking, his mother could be seen shaking her head in a disapproving manner, as he finished he went over to her for comfort but she clipped him round the ear, pushed him out the way and made the following statement.

''God damn bro, why can't my boy put some dick about?. He rich ain't he?, can do what he wants to any hoe that wants some Tiger play....it's just a good job his father Tiger Senior ain't here to hear this, he'd be one angry cat......he used to have his dick everywhere and never said sorry!, and d'yer know why?, because he rich, rich men can do what they want......and his wife....... that Swedish hoe, if she don't like it, she knows where the doors at!!''

Security then removed Mother Woods from the podium but she could be heard shouting ''Get your hands off me mother fecker , I'll sue your ass.... bitch, everybody want some Woods don't they.....you can't stop me!......what are you?, some kind of dick police!?!''.

Woods(Tiger) then apologized for his Mothers comments, blaming hormones for the outburst!.

Warnock accepts defeat surprisingly well!!

Bad tempered Crystal Palace manager and quite possibly one of the most angry people ever invented, Neil Warnock, accepted a loss at Junior Monopoly surprisingly well on Saturday!. The usually horrible man was enjoying a day off and was playing with his Aunt, Nephew and Daughter when had all his pretend money taken away early on, following a secession of unlucky dice rolls kept landing him on his Nephew's loaded properties!

Warnock then had no money to invest when he landed on 'free' squares, and eventually found himself first out the game. Fearing the worst the rest of the family shielded the board so the 'poor loser' Warnock couldn't wipe all the counters and pieces from the table. But an unusually calm Warnock said ''Ah, never mind, I played badly, I had it coming to be honest!''. His mum Betty who was acting as 'Game Referee', braced herself for a tirade of abuse, similar to the recent attack she sustained following a loss of a game of Cluedo, but the ex Sheff Utd boss just seemed resigned to defeat.

Speaking after the loss Betty Warnock said ''It shocked me actually, our Neil is a really bad loser most of the time, but he accepted defeat very well this time......it seems he might finally have grown up!?!....bout time though eh!?!''

The Eagles manager soon got back to normal service at Selhurst Park on Sunday afternoon though, when he strongly disagreed with the lines mans decision to give a corner and not a goal kick from which Aston Villa scored from, to draw the match 2-2. He said this to ITV reporter Gabriel Clarke ''Jesus, I mean, how did he give that decision?, seems everybody has got it in for me haven't they!......first my Nephew, now the linesman.....who next.......God??.......I can't say what I'm really feeling cos I'll be in trouble but I will say, that the linesman, who may I point out found it funny that I was crying at the final whistle!! probably deserves to be sacked or at least imprisoned for what he did today''.

Clarke then had to flee the agitated Warnock after he responded with ''C'mon Neil, it's only a game mate''