Premier League spendthrifts Manchester City have once again wasted another shitload of money by promising Lazio £19million for their never before heard of Serbian leftback Aleksander Kolarov (not pictured above due to no one knowing who he is).
This latest mystery signing is in addition to Jerome Boateng joining from Hamburg, David Silva leaving his self respect in Valencia and Mario Balotelli's agent pushing for more than Comic Relief could raise in a decade.
Manager Roberto Mancini was asked at a press conference in New York about his latest defensive signing.
''I won't lie to you, I've never heard of him either, but when the papers started saying Liverpool and some other clubs were interested in him, we thought we ought to ruin his career like we did Roque Santa Cruz's.''
He was then asked about the other signings his club had made this summer.
''Jerome Boateng I am told already has a brother who plays in the Premiership, I think his name is Cameron, and David Silva played a minute in the World Cup so he must be alright!?.''
He ended the questioning by suggesting what he might do with the other 5 left backs he has in his squad
''My cars need washing so there won't be a lack of opportunity to impress me, I dunno.........Suppose we could maybe sell one to Liverpool or something...I don't know, I'm only thinking off the top??......all I know is I can't stop spending.......I can't tell you why yet but you will find out soon.....I promise!!.''
He then left the Press Conference looking as if he had said something he shouldn't have. This story will run.
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