North Korea's miniature fruitcake, leader Kim Jong-il (pictured above after winning 'North Korea's Next Top Model') has warned his specially selected squad of footballers not to return to Pyongyang without the World Cup trophy!.
The pint sized lunatic was speaking on his chat show 'A Little Bit Of Kim Jong-il'.
''If my expert squad fail to win the trophy then I will not accept this, and will expect them to face the consequences or at least steal the trophy from whichever evil land of 'non dog eaters' who do win it. If they do not do this as I wish, they know what will happen!'' he said as he mimicked a knife cutting his neck.
The deluded leader then went on say that if he was playing in the World Cup they'd ''definitely win the tournament'', but sadly due to filming commitments on his latest feature film 'Kim Jong Over The Cuckoo's Nest' he wouldn't be able to play, but even not being in South Africa he would probably end up being '' the top scorer and best player in the world''.
A renowned imaginary athlete and make believe sportsman, Kim Jong claimed that on his first ever round of golf he scored 3 hole in ones!. A massive feat in itself but it was on his 67th birthday when he did it. This was only witnessed by one person, Dong Yi Lui who was working as Kim Jong's caddy at the time. Dong disappeared after he told national newspaper The Daily Oppressor ''Of course it never happened, he was rubbish....he kept missing the ball and claiming ''that's what I wanted to do!, now throw the ball down that grassy area for me to try again!''.
When questioned over whether or not he had ordered Dong's execution, the highly strung munchkin judge of 'North Korea's Got Talent' said ''That's mental, he was obviously as nutty as a cheesecake!.....now, have I ever told you about the time I landed a spaceship on the moon with no prior training!!''
To help his team become World Champions Kim Jong-il has flown his personal chef to South Africa to feed the squad with popular North Korean delicacies such as Rice and Poodles, Sausage Dog Rolls and German Shepherds Pie.
The pint sized lunatic was speaking on his chat show 'A Little Bit Of Kim Jong-il'.
''If my expert squad fail to win the trophy then I will not accept this, and will expect them to face the consequences or at least steal the trophy from whichever evil land of 'non dog eaters' who do win it. If they do not do this as I wish, they know what will happen!'' he said as he mimicked a knife cutting his neck.
The deluded leader then went on say that if he was playing in the World Cup they'd ''definitely win the tournament'', but sadly due to filming commitments on his latest feature film 'Kim Jong Over The Cuckoo's Nest' he wouldn't be able to play, but even not being in South Africa he would probably end up being '' the top scorer and best player in the world''.
A renowned imaginary athlete and make believe sportsman, Kim Jong claimed that on his first ever round of golf he scored 3 hole in ones!. A massive feat in itself but it was on his 67th birthday when he did it. This was only witnessed by one person, Dong Yi Lui who was working as Kim Jong's caddy at the time. Dong disappeared after he told national newspaper The Daily Oppressor ''Of course it never happened, he was rubbish....he kept missing the ball and claiming ''that's what I wanted to do!, now throw the ball down that grassy area for me to try again!''.
When questioned over whether or not he had ordered Dong's execution, the highly strung munchkin judge of 'North Korea's Got Talent' said ''That's mental, he was obviously as nutty as a cheesecake!.....now, have I ever told you about the time I landed a spaceship on the moon with no prior training!!''
To help his team become World Champions Kim Jong-il has flown his personal chef to South Africa to feed the squad with popular North Korean delicacies such as Rice and Poodles, Sausage Dog Rolls and German Shepherds Pie.
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