Sepp Blatter (pictured above after being asked 'using your hands how mental do you think you are?') and his faithful life partner Michel Platini have passed two 'emergency rule changes' to help make the World Cup less exciting to watch.
The measures set to be implemented are to scrap the new Jabulani football, which has been widely criticised as being 'too kick able' and 'round' by many who have used and seen it in action.
This would be replaced by a scaled down version of it, about the same size as a golf ball, which will be camouflaged to make it less visable.
The other 'major' change which FIFA have been championing since it worked successfully at Euro 2004, will be to grant 'automatic qualification' from the group stages of the World Cup for any team who manages to keep the score at 0-0. This is thought to be favoring the 'flair' defensive teams like Greece and Switzerland which Blatter is known to love.
Switzerland were the first team at this World Cup to successfully put their opponents to sleep, before 'creeping' up to the other end and scoring a winner against Spain. Luckily, Spain managed to wake up in time to beat their next opponents Honduras whilst Switzerland played Chile who had taken the precaution of 'drinking an industrial amount of Red Bull' to stave off the 'coma inducing' tactics employed by the Swiss.
Speaking from his hospital bed following the opening ceremony debacle, Blatter spoke to Sports In Shorts.
''Oh, the rule changes, yes, good don't you think!?. To be honest I had to do something, all there is to do here is watch 'Loose Women' and 'Sex and The City' on DVD video tape!, it can get abit Greece...if you know what I mean!?.
Nobody wants to watch players like the Lionel Messi with his lovely feet movements, if you let him loose he scores the goals, scoring goals is so 1970, come on girlfriend....it's the 90's...it's all about the defensive tactics baby.....am I right?....eh?.
The golf ball idea was Michel's, I wanted to make the ball rectangle or triangle shaped, but the initial tests made the game too much like Rugby.''
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