Schoolboys the world over have instructed Lawyers to launch legal action against anyone using the term 'Schoolboy defending' in a derogatory sense.
The biggest users are football commentators and pundits, when rather than actually describing what the defenders did wrong and how they could have correctly defended the play, they just fling out the same old boring phrase, saying 'That was schoolboy defending Brian!'.
One of the worst culprits is Sky Sports windbag Andy Gray, who in the 4-3 victory by Manchester City over Sunderland earlier in the season used the phrase 54 times!, with Alan Hansen on MOTD2 once using it over 40 times in one show when talking about Liverpool defender Daniel Agger!.
Schoolboy Jake Elwood from Bristol said ''It's not fair, they talk about bad defending by comparing it to how us schoolboys defend........I'm not sure how Alan Hansen knows how I defend, cos I'm sure he's never watched me!?!, and even if I did defend badly occasionally, It's not fair to insinuate that I always do!!. Why can't they just say it's bad defending?, lazy tit!''.
Elwood went on to say about other gripes he has with commentators ''They also describe good play in football and some other sports as being 'Textbook', now I've never seen sport being taught in a textbook have you?!?''.
The biggest users are football commentators and pundits, when rather than actually describing what the defenders did wrong and how they could have correctly defended the play, they just fling out the same old boring phrase, saying 'That was schoolboy defending Brian!'.
One of the worst culprits is Sky Sports windbag Andy Gray, who in the 4-3 victory by Manchester City over Sunderland earlier in the season used the phrase 54 times!, with Alan Hansen on MOTD2 once using it over 40 times in one show when talking about Liverpool defender Daniel Agger!.
Schoolboy Jake Elwood from Bristol said ''It's not fair, they talk about bad defending by comparing it to how us schoolboys defend........I'm not sure how Alan Hansen knows how I defend, cos I'm sure he's never watched me!?!, and even if I did defend badly occasionally, It's not fair to insinuate that I always do!!. Why can't they just say it's bad defending?, lazy tit!''.
Elwood went on to say about other gripes he has with commentators ''They also describe good play in football and some other sports as being 'Textbook', now I've never seen sport being taught in a textbook have you?!?''.
But the BBC's resident dullard John Motson (above) responded to these claims. ''Incidentally Gary, the term 'Schoolboy defending' can be traced back to the Second World War, when London schoolboys were send out by their schoolmasters to shield their schools from bombs being dropped by Johnny Foreigner!, with the best defenders being St Cuthbert's Primary from Chiswick who successfully defended their school 15 times in 1944 alone!. It's ironic now that the term is used as a sign of poor defending whereas it's actually performing a heroic act!''.
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