Sports In Shorts goes World Cup Mental

Popular sports blog Sports In Shorts will be going World Cup mental for the duration of this summers tournament.

We will be bringing you exclusive news from now until the final game from all the major teams and France as well.

Our team of sarcastic football writers (Corey Lavender and DC if he can remember his log on) have been sent off to bring you the news that should not be used as fact to impress your mates!.
So tune in to this frequency on a regular basis or to our sister blog Sports In Shorts HD for as much World Cup news that you could possibly ever need!.

Strauss forgets he's England captain!!

Andrew Strauss (pictured above) has admitted in an interview with Sky Sports News that he ''totally forgot he was still England's Test and One Day International captain''.

Strauss decided not to go on the tour of Bangladesh earlier this year, missing 3 One Day Internationals and 2 Test Matches because, by his own admission ''he wanted to catch up with all the 'Deal Or No Deals' he Sky Plussed over the winter!.''

Speaking in March, Strauss said ''Give me a break!, I'm not going to that god forsaken Bangradash place........I can't be bothered, honestly it's just one boring tour after another. I need a break!. I've got a Sky Box full of Deal or No Deals which aren't gonna watch themselves!.''

So with the impending return visit of Bangladesh the selectors asked Strauss who he wanted in his team for the first test starting today (27th May).

Strauss said ''When they asked me who I wanted to pick, I thought......why they asking me? then I figured that I must still be skipper, I think it's with having a break, catching up on a few things and not being good enough at that Twenty20 stuff to get in the squad. I just forgot about the game...then Colly (Paul Collingwood) led England to victory in the World Twenty20 World Cup, I just presumed he'd be the Captain from now on...honestly I'd forget my own bollocks if they weren't attached!.''

Strauss concluded with his thoughts on team selection. ''To be fair, it doesn't matter who we pick to play Bangerladish does it? if we played my mum as wicketkeeper we ought to win!.....na, joking I am, I'm only pulling ya boob mate!. To be honest, I know I forgot I was captain but I do love this job, standing around in the sun all day ordering people about!....its great!....but I leave team selection to people that know about the game.''

Blackpool go into administration within minutes of being in Premier League

Premier League newcomers Blackpool went into administration within 10 minutes of being promoted after winning their Play Off final against Cardiff City at Wembley on Saturday.

The Lancashire outfit announced that due to 'overspending' by the current regime in their brief spell in the top league the club could not maintain the 'huge' wage bill which had built up, cumulating in the decision made at 5.05pm Saturday evening.

Following the final whistle after the 3-2 win over the Welsh team, Ian Holloway by his own admission 'couldn't believe how much money he had to spend' and 'got carried away' by immediately putting a bid in for Barcelona's Lionel Messi. ''I was like a kid in a cheese shop'' the eccentric manager commented.

The Catalan giants were said to be keen on the offer, which was a reported £97 million plus Brett Ormorod, but the move was called off because Ormorod didn't want to move out of Lancashire to Spain, saying ''It's not everyday you get the chance to play for a top team in a top league......which is why I'm staying at Blackpool!.''

Holloway, speaking to Sports In Shorts said ''After the Messi move broke down I got real, and started to concentrate on transfer targets which were more likely to happen, which Is why I launched the highest spending spree in the clubs history, buying Premier League stalwarts Robert Earnshaw for £9 million, Jimmy Bullard for £6 million on £97k a week, and Robbie Keane for £14 million. But my biggest coup of all was the Free signing of Michael Owen from Man U, he's good int he?, well worth the £250k a week I agreed to pay him.''

This spell of reckless spending meant that by 5.04pm the club had overspent next years budget, and the next 4 years parachute payments already, leaving the Board of Directors no choice but to go into administration.

Cardiff City financial fuckwit Peter Ridsdale spoke to Sky Sports after the game, ''To be honest I'm gutted, I've been cooking up a ridiculously stupid piece of overspending the world has never seen before. Well, at least since my time at Leeds, I reckon I could have had Cardiff out of business a good 5 mins before they (Blackpool) were!.....amateurs.''

Holloway added ''To be fair, we've had a great run in the top league, it was good while it lasted, so if we get relegated before we've been promoted then so be it. At least we've got our health eh.''
He ended the interview with another pearl of wisdom. ''As Michael Barrymore once said, there is always someone worse off than yourself....and that person is Portsmouth....I've been Ian Holloway...goodnight''.

Gary Neville says ''I didn't even want to go to South Africa''

Manchester United's anger prone defender Gary Neville (sort of pictured above) has admitted that he didn't even want to go to this summers World Cup tournament in South Africa, so was glad England boss Fabio Capello didn't include him in his provisional 30 man squad.

Capello selected his squad using the newly patented 'Capello Index' which he invented with his mother Dierdre in Turin.

The Index only selected one recognised right back in Glen Johnson with no other player in his position being deemed 'good enough', instead selecting part time right back Jamie Carragher to fill the role in combination with his usual role as 'whinger'.

Neville speaking to Sports In Shorts spoke of his omission.

''I'm probably the best right back in the world, definitely England and without doubt the best in Manchester, but the reason I didn't get picked by Fabio is because I didn't even want to go to South Africa.......in a way. Anyway, me and Phil have booked to go to Drayton Manor in June so I can't even go now even if Mr Stupid Pants Capello wants me to go, we've pre booked our tickets and everything so there!.''

The Capello Index picks players on a number of qualities , which include ability, pace, looks, political persuasion and skill, but it was the controversial category of 'Moustache growing ability' which let Neville down, scoring only 'infant' out of the maximum available score of 'Kevin Webster'.

Bellamy picks fight with Bellamy!

Manchester City bully Craig Bellamy [pictured above chatting to a fan] last night got into a 'war of words' with his great rival and nemesis Craig Bellamy.

The Welsh striker was talking to Sky Sports reporter Andy Burton after Wednesday nights Premier League '4th place showdown' loss to Tottenham Hotspur when he launched an astonishing attack on himself.

''I thought that most of us played really well, but sadly there were a couple of our own players who were shocking tonight Andy.....pardon my Welsh but there were!. The number 39 especially....Bellamy, everyone in the game knows what he's like...so I don't need to say anything, except I'm not shocked by how bad he was tonight even though I said I was shocked earlier....I'm not. As I say, everyone in football knows what Bellamy is like so that's all I'm gonna say.''

Burton then confronted Bellamy about his outburst. ''But Craig,...... you're Bellamy!!, are you saying you had a bad game?.''

''Yes I am, I'm fed up with tip toeing round myself, not telling myself if I'm playing badly. But today I was bad, I'm sorry, I know you shouldn't bad mouth teammates, but I was terrible. everyone in the game knows what I'm like so lets leave it at that.''

In other Manchester City news, 'boss' Roberto Mancini has clung on to a leadership coup fronted by 'panto villain' Garry Cook. Cook the clubs answer to a Chief Executive had been canvassing in the local area and believed he had the 'popular vote' amongst City fans to attempt to topple the current management team. But after he tried storming the residential palace of Mancini late last night, he admitted defeat after a 'mix up with his sat nav' had taken him to the home of elderly bigot Gillian Duffy, who told him exactly what she thought of the clubs middle eastern recruitment policy.

Attendances fall following popularity of 3D football!

Premier league attendances have dramatically fallen in the last month following the rise in the number of 3D televised matches.

Sky Sports now show at least one game a week in the new '3D' format which means that fans of the chosen clubs no longer need to venture to the actual ground. Instead they can venture to one of the chosen pubs hosting the broadcast, wearing the specially designed glasses.

Back in the 1980's when the first wave of 3D films were released, the glasses were the 'weak link' in the technology with the cardboard frames and red/green plastic lenses often having only a shelf live of 10 minutes before the wearer would become increasingly frustrated with them falling off and generally being shit and would put them in a draw at their mums house only to be found 13 years later!.

Nowadays though, the 'modern 3D glasses' are so camouflaged you would hardly notice somebody wearing them [pictured above]. If you concentrate on the image above, after a while you may realise that the people pictured are actually wearing 3D glasses!.

Inventor of the new glasses Prof Graeme Souness said this. ''We wanted to make something that wouldn't make people stand out and look silly when they were watching football in 3D. That was the problem years ago, but I think you'll agree that you could pretty much wear these things all day and no one would even notice!?!.''

Manchester City fan Dick Moore spoke to Sports In Shorts after his teams 3D experience against Tottenham Hotspur last night.

''It's the future int it!, 3D's great. It's like I was actually at the match but in a pub at the match. I used to go down to Middle-Eastlands but theres no need to risk it anymore!. 3D's like being at the match but on the telly, and everythings better on telly!. I just can't wait to see what they do next....I mean, do you think they will ever have the technology to actually be at the game but to be able to watch it live in 3D?. That'd be something wouldn't it!?!.....it'd be like real 3D.....there probly would'nt be any need to put it on telly........ I wonder if we'd still need glasses?.''

Gerrard makes impressive debut for new club!

Ex Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard [pictured above chasing a fleeing DJ] made an impressive debut for his new club Chelsea's win against Liverpool, the club that sold him just hours earlier!.

Details of the move have yet to be realeased but it is thought that the Londoners paid at least £30 million for the midfielder. They also agreed that he would be allowed to wear his beloved Liverpool kit for the game in order to say goodbye to his faithful fans.

Liverpool were put in a situation where a win or a draw would have put a record winning 19th league title on the cards for great rivals Manchester United, a situation where many 'fans' admitted that they would prefer the scousers to 'roll over' and let Chelsea win.

After the game, Sky's Geoff Shreeves questioned manager Rafa Benitez about if he told his team to 'take it easy' for the game.

''What do I care!?!, I'm off to Turin soon innit!''

New signing Gerrard put a precise through ball to Didier Drogba midway through the first half who rounded the keeper Reina and tapped the ball into the net. Frank Lampard slid in a second in the second half to take the win and probably the title back to Stamford Bridge.